Thursday, October 24, 2013


October 24 - 24 days into October. Seven days left to go.

Still, in 25 days, there has been progress in my quest to figure out what I really want, and actually need, my life to look like.  I KNOW I have to find a way to live more in the moment, to let go, to energize myself with time doing what I love, to allow others to just be, and most importantly, do all of this so I will be a much brighter light for the one who saved my soul.

I've learned so much about God's faithfulness these past few years in my hardest moments.  In those moments that break us to the core of our soul, He is there.  Period. Always.  Without fail.  Probably more amazing to me, and certainly more humbling, is His faithfulness to me now.  These are the moments where there are no real scary issues for my family, our blessings are numerous, and life is basically calm.  This is when I know He is faithful, His love is unconditional, and His grace absolutely covers me.  You see, in these months, my faithfulness to Him is lacking.  I seem to wander through the days, not settling down long enough for meaningful time and conversation with anyone, much less my Lord and Savior.  The hardest part - I can't seem to be an overcomer in this area right now.  I will vow to do better, pray for help, and then wander through the next day.

I buy books, download devotionals and podcasts, listen to podcasts, pray throughout the day at random moments, and know I am less than whole because of this lack of real, carved out time of relationship.  I need time spent reading His word, reading amazing literature that grows my faith, journaling prayers and praises, and just resting in Him.

Today is a new day though, there is time in the day to start.  Today.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Seriously, what happened to September?

It is October 1st - seriously?  A few years back, I began to thank God for specific days. You know, like "Thank you God for Monday, September 30 2013".  I said those words yesterday and actually began to choke up.  Totally threw me for a loop - did not expect that.  

In some ways, I think I've just thought it would be a good idea to get this year over - get through all those "firsts" again.  Still, I just don't think I thought it would go SO fast.  I also LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Fall.  I wait for it beginning January 1st of every year.  Every year I also make a deal with myself to slow down and really enjoy the fall days.  Every year, I wake up and it's December 1st and fall is done.  This year was going to be different - my life looks different this fall without mom and her care.  There should be time.  Tell that to September - totally gone and I didn't even really know it was here.

I can give you many reasons why October and November will feel the same way - lots of life going on, a wedding to help plan (that is a whole 'nother post), and a house that was full before I brought home a whole lot of what was in my parents' home.

I'm learning though, that the choice is mine most of time.  I wake up each morning and make a decision whether I will rush through every moment of the day, already anticipating what the next moment needs to look like OR choosing to live in the moment I am in.

Truth - I am not at all sure how I will do this month with my choices but I am going to try.  I desperately want to slow down, live in and cherish the moments, and just be grateful.

Thirty-one days to try.  I'm going to start with today.

Enjoy the moment!