Thursday, March 14, 2013

When it is hard..........

I can't believe I haven't posted since October - you know that 31 days month when I was really going to get going.  Then life happened again, my mom continued to go down in health, life changed drastically and she went home to Glory on December 29th.  I am SO grateful she is there, but I am just not over it.  I miss her even more than I thought I would, I'm overwhelmed at the thought of not having my parent's home in Kentucky to go "home" to, I'm overwhelmed at the thought of having to decide what I keep and what I give away or sell, I'm shut down to my core with my real emotions on all of the above.  Then, my husband had hip replacement surgery in late February and he is doing fabulously, but still, major surgery - now.  Then, guess what, my baby boy, my one and only, the owner of places in my heart that I didn't know existed until I had him, well he is moving to Nashville - to a wonderful new job with full time hours and benefits.  Thank you Jesus!  What an answer to an ongoing heart cry from this momma to Jesus' ears.  It is all good.  Really it is.

Did you catch all of the "and then" words above?  Life is really an "and then" anymore.  It doesn't slow down, it doesn't wait for us to catch up or to be emotionally stable before something else rocks our world.  The one constant is God's faithfulness. I have known it for many years but if we are honest, we really see it when our own resources fail us, when we can't do it on our own, when life just isn't fair.  I am so amazingly happy that God doesn't look at what is fair because if He did, I would be in real trouble.  To quote a wonderful prayer in the Methodist Hymnal "I have not loved you with my whole heart".  I haven't, the world has crowded in and all of the other things I love have filled voids that only God can fill.  The crazy part is that none of them actually work - only God.  Those words, ONLY GOD.  Only God can be enough on those hardest days because those of us on earth simply don't have what it takes sometimes.  We can't heal the hurting, we can't bring back those who have left us too soon, we can't make harsh words jump back into ours or others' mouths, we just can't do what only God can do.  I'm learning that lesson all over again and in the midst of the learning, the following verses wandered into my life yesterday:

Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer's;
he makes me tread on my high places.

         (Habakkuk 3:17-19 ESV)

Yet I will rejoice.  Because God has to be enough.

More soon - really.