Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Healing, Simplifying, Slowing Down,....
I've hesitated to write lately because I want to write something fun - something upbeat, and not another post about hard days. Honestly, most days aren't that hard, they just seem overwhelming. I realized a few years back that when I am struggling, I overwhelm easily. That is my symptom that I am not in a good place. Symptoms are good things though - they allow us to recognize when we need to do something differently.
I'm almost six months into grieving losing my mom, going through that last year of anxiety and stress, and watching it all end in one great big miserable, horrific mess. Six months of living with regrets that I killed myself making sure I wouldn't have. Mind you, you can regret something even though you know that you know that you did your dead level best. God has continued to be faithful to a woman who has been anything but faithful in her daily walk with Him. I'm not talking about doing major sinning, I'm talking about not drawing closer to the One who is sufficient. I'm talking about basically not getting close to anybody or anything, but just living days that are pleasant, but not risky. I'm talking about not loving God will my whole heart.
I went home to my parent's home a few weeks back. You have to do that when all of a sudden, their home, stuffed to the gills with their lives and their memories, is now your home. What an amazing gift mom left me - pieces of her are in every corner that is filled with pretty things, jewelry, antique dishes and silver, used plastic bags, outdated canned goods, and, of course, clothes! It was healing and it allowed God a moment to assure me of His plan in all of this. It allowed my heart to begin to settle. God.is.faithful.
Now, it really is time to begin to slow down, simplify, and heal. I am looking forward to being more intentional in planning time with those who fill my bucket, and not so much with those who don't. I'm actually writing down what drawers, closets, basements, etc. are going to be organized and purged and they will be done. I am going to read again - some of those books that have been piling up and begging for my attention. I'm going to open the pages of "Sacred Rhythms" again because that book speaks to my very soul.
Finally, I am going to write and journal this part of my story and maybe, just maybe, I'm going to let those who fill my bucket read it.
His mercies are new every morning and I am claiming them!