Summertime

"As schedules shift, so must our souls. And as my soul takes a deep breath in, I remember how it could be like this all the time if I wanted it to be. Not the schedule part, but the centered part. There is a strong stillness deep within me, the place where God lives. He is not pulled in ten thousand directions and in him, neither am I.

And so we welcome June because we must, because to press on as we have been doing hurts too much.

Instead of fighting the change in schedule, I want to let summertime be my sacred companion."

I don't know about you but I have a few blogs I visit on a semi-regular basis.  (in)courage is one of my favorites.  It's a blog sponsored by DaySpring and has a group of amazing women that share from time to time and the great majority of them have their own blogs.  The above quote is from Emily Freeman's "Chatting at the Sky" which I went to after reading her post recently on I(in)courage.  Emily is a pastor's wife, mom to young children, and a wonderful young author.  

Her words about shifting schedules in the summer hit home with me.  Stu is 28 and living in another state and I no longer work in the school system, so I honestly can't say the summers are really that different than any other season - and yet they are.  There is something about summer that begs us to slow down, to relax and enjoy life, to regroup.  As I mentioned in my last post, I'm there.  I'm at the part where "pressing on as we have been doing hurts too much". I am actually thankful to be here - it helps you make the decision to change, to take the deep breath, and begin to find my way back to a pace and quality of life that allow me to find the centered part of my soul.

What about you - what signals your soul that it's time?

http://www.incourage.me/

Healing, Simplifying, Slowing Down,....

I've hesitated to write lately because I want to write something fun - something upbeat, and not another post about hard days.  Honestly, most days aren't that hard, they just seem overwhelming.  I realized a few years back that when I am struggling, I overwhelm easily.  That is my symptom that I am not in a good place.  Symptoms are good things though - they allow us to recognize when we need to do something differently.

I'm almost six months into grieving losing my mom, going through that last year of anxiety and stress, and watching it all end in one great big miserable, horrific mess.  Six months of living with regrets that I killed myself making sure I wouldn't have.  Mind you, you can regret something even though you know that you know that you did your dead level best. God has continued to be faithful to a woman who has been anything but faithful in her daily walk with Him.  I'm not talking about doing major sinning, I'm talking about not drawing closer to the One who is sufficient.  I'm talking about basically not getting close to anybody or anything, but just living days that are pleasant, but not risky.  I'm talking about not loving God will my whole heart.

I went home to my parent's home a few weeks back.  You have to do that when all of a sudden, their home, stuffed to the gills with their lives and their memories, is now your home.  What an amazing gift mom left me - pieces of her are in every corner that is filled with pretty things, jewelry, antique dishes and silver, used plastic bags, outdated canned goods, and, of course, clothes!  It was healing and it allowed God a moment to assure me of His plan in all of this.  It allowed my heart to begin to settle.  God.is.faithful.

Now, it really is time to begin to slow down, simplify, and heal.  I am looking forward to being more intentional in planning time with those who fill my bucket, and not so much with those who don't.  I'm actually writing down what drawers, closets, basements, etc. are going to be organized and purged and they will be done.  I am going to read again - some of those books that have been piling up and begging for my attention.  I'm going to open the pages of "Sacred Rhythms"  again because that book speaks to my very soul.

Finally, I am going to write and journal this part of my story and maybe, just maybe, I'm going to let those who fill my bucket read it.

His mercies are new every morning and I am claiming them!

When it is hard..........

I can't believe I haven't posted since October - you know that 31 days month when I was really going to get going.  Then life happened again, my mom continued to go down in health, life changed drastically and she went home to Glory on December 29th.  I am SO grateful she is there, but I am just not over it.  I miss her even more than I thought I would, I'm overwhelmed at the thought of not having my parent's home in Kentucky to go "home" to, I'm overwhelmed at the thought of having to decide what I keep and what I give away or sell, I'm shut down to my core with my real emotions on all of the above.  Then, my husband had hip replacement surgery in late February and he is doing fabulously, but still, major surgery - now.  Then, guess what, my baby boy, my one and only, the owner of places in my heart that I didn't know existed until I had him, well he is moving to Nashville - to a wonderful new job with full time hours and benefits.  Thank you Jesus!  What an answer to an ongoing heart cry from this momma to Jesus' ears.  It is all good.  Really it is.

Did you catch all of the "and then" words above?  Life is really an "and then" anymore.  It doesn't slow down, it doesn't wait for us to catch up or to be emotionally stable before something else rocks our world.  The one constant is God's faithfulness. I have known it for many years but if we are honest, we really see it when our own resources fail us, when we can't do it on our own, when life just isn't fair.  I am so amazingly happy that God doesn't look at what is fair because if He did, I would be in real trouble.  To quote a wonderful prayer in the Methodist Hymnal "I have not loved you with my whole heart".  I haven't, the world has crowded in and all of the other things I love have filled voids that only God can fill.  The crazy part is that none of them actually work - only God.  Those words, ONLY GOD.  Only God can be enough on those hardest days because those of us on earth simply don't have what it takes sometimes.  We can't heal the hurting, we can't bring back those who have left us too soon, we can't make harsh words jump back into ours or others' mouths, we just can't do what only God can do.  I'm learning that lesson all over again and in the midst of the learning, the following verses wandered into my life yesterday:


Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer's;
he makes me tread on my high places.

         (Habakkuk 3:17-19 ESV)

Yet I will rejoice.  Because God has to be enough.

More soon - really.

31 Days to a Happy, Healthier Fall ME!

In the past year, I have begun making a point of thanking God for the specific day....such as "thank you God for Monday, October 1, 2012".  It's a tiny way of trying to stay in the moment, to be fully there, and to appreciate the day.  

So, driving in this morning, I actually prayed the above sentence and in that very moment, it hit me - today is OCTOBER 1st!  September is done, gone, not to return for another 11 months!  If you know me well, you know that I live for the fall and holiday season.  I am literally a happier person, I smile more often, I laugh more, life is just sweeter during September, October, November and December!  So, to realize that one entire month out of the four is already finished and I am pretty sure I didn't even take the time to realize it was September a good part of the time was a wake-up call for me.

I've been running too fast these past nine months.  January started off with a big ole bang with Mack's back surgery and my mom's health drastically declining and I feel like I've been at a dead run ever since.  Don't get me wrong, I've had some wonderful moments with family and friends.  I am not complaining about my life - it is an amazingly blessed life.  I am acknowledging that I am tired and not fully enjoying most of my days.

So, first, I am going to make a conscious effort to begin to take better care of me - starting today.  I'm going to leave work on time and enjoy my evening at home.  I'm going to really think about some things that will make these last few months of 2012 even more special than they are by being intentional in what I choose to do when I get to choose.  Finally, I'm going to blog through it and if I can keep this up for a little while, I just might even let someone read it!

Happy Fall Y'all!

Going Home

Both of my parents were born and raised in the small town of Mannington, Kentucky.  Small means small in rural Kentucky - it means about 300 occupants if you include the chickens!   When they retired, mom and dad moved to "the lake" to partake in the good life.  Kentucky Lake is about an hour and half from Mannington and we spent many summer vacations at the lake before they moved there permanently in 1985.  I loved being at the lake each summer, going to the different restaurants, the beaches and spending days in the boat on the water.


Like any place, if you spent enough time there you tend to get used to it.  You forget to look around you and appreciate the view and the things that make it special.  I worked for Ritz-Carlton for several years and after a while, I didn't even notice the magnificent flower arrangements, the priceless artwork, and antique furniture that graced the lobby of the hotel.


I went back to Kentucky earlier this month to help my mom celebrate her 80th birthday.  Driving in I began to pray that God would truly use this visit for two things: one to bless my mom and let her know how much she means to me, but also to remind me of how much I have always loved the state of Kentucky.  The picture above is a snapshot of God's faithfulness.  It shows my parent's home, the Dinner Bell - a restaurant we always visited each summer on vacation that I LOVED and have such fond memories of, and my first cousin's garden, complete with a mockingbird nest that we risked being pecked in the head by the mama bird in order to take the picture!  I drove on those country roads and just remembered.  I remembered laughing with my best friend, Royal, and being sunburned to a beautiful shade of red.  I remembered eating at the Dinner Bell and shopping at The Hitching Post for just the right souvenir of the summer.  I remembered listening to Elton John driving down the road (and I did plug in my phone and listen to Elton John on my itunes).   I spent some time with my cousin, Jan.  She and I are two of three remaining first cousins and very honestly, we are about all we have left of the Pickering side of the family.  She IS Kentucky to me now - and I love that.  I went "home" and found out that you really can go there again if you want to.

Hating the Haters just adds you to the group

I love my son's fb post yesterday "I don't know anything about politics and hey, did you know it's hot outside?"  Because my son got his sarcasm in equal parts from his father AND from me, I knew immediately where he was coming from.  Between the really, really hot weather here in Georgia and the Supreme Court passing the Obama healthcare tax, facebook postings were over the top.

I grew up in the midwest, came from a middle class family and my daddy was an over-the-road union truck driver.  If you were those things back then, you were affiliated with one political party.  The rich people were affiliated with the other one.  Today, the lines aren't so clear.  There is a lot of talk about liberal and conservative, left and right wing, and other less flattering terms. 

I will tell you that I am a conservative, that I tend to go more "right" then "left.  I will also tell you I try very hard to vote for the candidate and not a party.  Most importantly, I will tell you that my opinions and choices are just that - they are mine.  I may not agree with you, I may really question how you can think and choose the way you do, but in the end, it really is none of my business. 

I am saddened by so many people that evidently NEED to make sure those who don't think the way they do are complete and total idiots.  You can't really choose a "side" that is more vocal than the other.  Both sides have some growing up to do.  By all means, we all need to educate ourselves on the issues, research truth, and VOTE.  What we don't need to do is talk about the "haters and idiots" on the other side because all it does is add to the club. 

So that's what grace is all about........

Yesterday was a long day at work - some tough moments and no real answers as I left for the day.  On the way home, as I went through an intersection in a small town that I go through every day, I noticed an unusual sight for that area.  On the street corner was a young man with a sign that said "Homeless - I will work for food".  I've seen those signs before and they always tug at my heart.  Sometimes I stop and give a few dollars I have in my pocket.  Sometimes I just keep going and say a little prayer for the person.  Yesterday, yesterday that was my undoing.  I did not have ANY cash in my wallet and yet I kept hearing "I was hungry and you fed me" over and over in my head.  So....there I am, continuing to drive towards home frantically wondering "do I turn around and go back and find a way to give the man food, do I keep going, WHAT DO I DO"?  I literally am saying out loud (with tears running down my face) to God "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO - I NEED YOU TO TELL ME WHAT DO DO! WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO?!!" 

Truthfully, I still didn't hear exactly what He wanted me to do but I did feel a peace that if that young man is there again today, I will stop and I will try to help. Yesterday, though, it was acceptable for me to keep going. More importantly though, in a moment, this is what I knew:  God will never remember and chastise me for failing to stop and help that young man - that's what grace is all about.  That's what it means when it says my sins (if it was a sin) are removed as far as the east is from the west.  God will NEVER remember that.  Being obedient, going that extra mile, helping someone will  only allow God to "reward" me one day.  It might add a jewel to my crown but it won't take one away. That is a picture of grace that will stay with me for a very long time.