till He appeared and the soul felt its worth............

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O Holy Night has long been my favorite Christmas song.  Singing those lyrics at the top of my lungs, I feel the angel choirs joining in.

Christmas is less than a week away.  December and this holiday season is almost gone for another year.  Once again, this year, it has been a different season.  My parents are gone, Stu and his family live in another state, we've changed churches, and my heart and soul are finally beginning to grasp this need for genuine rest from much of what I have filled my life with for several years.  When I allow Him, God is at work deep within.

I am officially on vacation at 5pm tonight until 8am on Monday, December 29th.  Stu, Mattie, and Augy will be in Tuesday evening and leave after breakfast on Christmas morning.  That means much of next week will be spent with just Mack and I at home. Different - yes, but I am ok with it this.  I believe it is exactly what is supposed to happen this year.   I want to go look at Christmas lights, shop without stress for a few remaining gifts, eat our favorite foods, savor being at home, and read!  I believe I am going to find moments to seek Jesus, contentment, and for my soul to find its worth.

May your Christmas be filled with great joy, moments filled with wonder, and an understanding of the gift of the birth of the Christ Child.

Still thankful.....

  “Suppose for a moment that God began taking away from us the many things for which we have failed to give thanks.  Which of our limbs and faculties would be left?  Would still have my hands and my mind?  And what about loved ones?  If God were to take from me all the persons and things for which I have not given thanks, who or what would be left of me?”

 Patrick Henry Reardon through Father Tim in Out to Canaan

November has come and gone and I am thankful for so many things.  I love that we have a month where we take the time to be much more vocally thankful for all we have, but I am sad that we need to find a month to make that plan.  It is no secret that I am a fan of the Mitford series of books by Jan Karon.  Although I read them many years ago, I have always remembered words spoken by Father Tim in one of the earlier books about being thankful.  When I began rereading the series a few months ago in anticipation of a new Mitford book FINALLY arriving on the shelves this fall, I found the above quote again.  It hits home with me every single time I read it.  I am pretty good about giving thanks to God for my home, family, work, friends, church, and even things like music and fried chicken (immensely important in my world!) but I don't often give Him thanks for the fact that I have my hearing so that the music even matters or that I can taste that fried chicken.  I have a friend right now who is going through chemo treatments for breast cancer and nothing tastes good to her.  

As I go into December, I want to continue to be so intentional with my gratitude for all that I have been given.  It is so easy during this holiday month to anticipate what we are going to get, rather than what we already have.

Early in this quiet morning on December 2nd, I am already grateful for the blueberries that God decided to create so that my BelVita breakfast biscuit would taste so wonderful, for the fact that my son called to say hello, that I have on a wonderful, soft sweater that keeps me warm as the cool air blows into my cozy office.

My plan is to write often this month.  I began "The Greatest Gift" advent book by Ann Voskamp yesterday and I want to talk a little more about that tomorrow.

For now, just a quick picture of one of my greatest blessings - my precious daughter-in-law who has struggled this year with medical issues, a miscarriage in early summer, and challenges with her son and custody stuff.  She was in a great place over Thanksgiving and wanted to take a picture with me - pure joy!!

Something to write about.......

I keep waiting for something really worthwhile to right about - something that I will want to remember as I look back years from now.  Not much happening in that way right now and I am beginning to realize that I need to write about THAT!  These days are gifts and I know that much more now than I did many years ago.  You have to walk through fire in order to appreciate the coolness of the air around you at other times.  You have to see the faithfulness of God in your hardest moments in order to recognize His presence in calm days.

So, for now:

1) I am so excited that it is going to finally be sweater and boot weather this weekend.  My favorite outfit in the world is my favorite pair of jeans, one of my beloved sweaters, a scarf and boots.  I also got a sweatshirt from work that I love.  It is amazingly soft and not too heavy.  I am not normally a fan of sweatshirts - they just aren't girly enough, but when I added the plaid scarf - I was pretty happy.  The fact that it just screams fall doesn't hurt either.

2) That can also be a challenge because when you finally find your favorite brand of jeans (Vintage by Nine West), you tend to buy them frequently "just in case you can't find them in the future".  You can also be called out for having a sweater obsession.

3)  There are worse things to be called out for.

4)  I made chicken and dumplings this weekend.  They were from scratch in my book.  In yours, maybe not because I will own that there were canned biscuits and cream of chicken soup involved in the recipe but I had to flour and cut up those biscuits people. Let's give credit where credit is due.  They look pretty good, don't they?

5) God is at work within me to define what my relationships look like.  I have such a desire to love on and encourage but I don't know what that means yet - a few, a few more, or many.  Your prayers are appreciated.

6)  This week at work is pretty hard, our kids are going through a few rough moments, and yet I know, we are blessed beyond measure.  For those things that challenge me, i can name 50 more that don't so that I am not overwhelmed.  Thank you Jesus.

May this day bring joy to all and may His light shine brightly through us!

In This Season...

While it is October 22nd and I am gently grieving that fact that Fall is quickly slipping away, I am doing better this year in slowing down enough to appreciate random moments. Doing better - just that - still so much to learn.

A few ponderings from past weeks:

1) Choosing to stay quiet about a random fact that will only bring frustration or anger to the person I am sharing with - even if it seems like a really good story.  Most of the time, i am learning that I am simply hoping that by sharing, the person i am sharing with will affirm MY views.  I want them to be frustrated or angry right alongside me.

2) Facebook - yes or no?  Greatly believing it will soon be a no for me.  Two main reasons - I learn very little good from it and what I do learn, most I could find out in other ways.  Also, it is simply a time stealer that I allow to rob me all too often of something I find precious and seldom in excess.

3) Instagram - oddly enough, I genuinely see it as a way God is allowing me to be an encourager.  That still means I need to ask daily that my "self" won't rear it's ugly head and want people to like and follow me.  Encouraging one may be all I am ever called to do.

4) I want to start sending birthday cards again - in the mail.  Real birthday cards with real writing and a pretty stamp.

5) If you pray each day for someone who has hurt your feelings, God closes that hurt in His time, not yours.

6) I really love my family - they are my whole world.  With this new little one on it's way, my boy's first baby, I am so grateful as I realize all over again, that God allowed my heart to immediately accept Augy as our own.  This will be our SECOND grandchild - God is so faithful.

I think this may be the ticket for me for a while in the blogging department.  I'm finding a peace even as I type by putting my thoughts and my heart "on paper".

If you are reading this, have an amazing day and may God richly bless your ponderings!

If we are breathing, we are changing...........

I have been known to tell people that the only good thing about turning 50 is that you begin to become more comfortable in your own skin.  It is easier to accept who you are while understanding there are still many things you could probably work on a bit more.......

I've had six years now to become more comfortable and still keeping working.  In the last six months or so, I feel as though I've heard God speak to me about the fact that I've done a great job of accepting who I've created myself to be - not necessarily who HE created me to be.  Cooking and baking have never been something I enjoyed and I spent nine seasons with amazing young women in a mentoring/Bible study program called Apples of Gold talking about the fact that I am not a cook.  Guess what?  I am loving spending time in my kitchen these days with my Kitchenaid mixer and I am actually producing baked goods that people will eat!  I made some chocolate chip pumpkin bread last week that was really good!  Who knew!!

Instead of planning a schedule filled with time away from home, I am learning that I recharge best by spending time at home. I NEVER thought I would really enjoy spending time with little kids but there is one little boy who joined our family last year who has me wrapped around his little finger!!

Don't get me wrong, there is still a big part of who God created me to be in what I have been all these years.  I guess I am just learning not to define myself but rather allow God to continue to define and refine me.  I can enjoy cooking and baking AND still enjoy being that crazy girl who wants to have fun.  I can simply "be" and rest in the fact that God isn't done with me yet. 

I figure as long as I am breathing, He isn't done............

Why does it matter so much?

I've thought about my passion for reaching and investing in young women a lot lately.  I feel like I am in a season of life where God is leading me to dig deep into the things that I was created for.  I want to make a difference and I want to do it in a way that is honoring to God and to the way He created me.  We are in a series at church called "Life Verse" and our pastor has been talking about knowing and using our passions, gifts, and talents.  I KNOW my passion is investing and loving on young women. I even know God has gifted me with the ability to form relationships and speak into lives.  What I don't know is exactly how I am supposed to do that.

Lately I've become less and less enamored with facebook.  I can't handle the drama, the snide and pompous remarks about every possible subject under the sun, and honestly, I care less and less about what restaurant folks are eating at this evening.  On the other hand, I am loving Instagram more and more.  I think I like it because I can quickly scroll through pretty and interesting pictures.  I can get a snapshot of someone's world and most of the time, I recognize that we put the best of our world out there.  It doesn't take an emotional toll on me. :)

So....here is my challenge and a heart issue for me.  Why do I catch myself checking to see how many "followers" I have on Instagram?  Why am I frightened to see if this blog is a way God would have me reach young women?  Why do we all hesitate sometimes to do the very things we feel called to do?  I know why in my case - I am scared deep inside that no one will care and that matters to me much, much more than I want it to matter.  I am recognizing lately that the "world" has a pretty serious hold on me.  Don't get me wrong, i don't believe God has an issue with us enjoying the things of the world.  I believe the issue comes when I don't do something I believe He is calling me to do because I am afraid of what the world will think.  I think it is a sin when I choose to follow a way of the world that will gain merit in this life instead of joy in the next life.

Social media is one of the very best and the very worst things that has ever happened to us.  It allows us to connect with family and friends that don't live close by and that is wonderful and amazing.  I am SO grateful that I can see pictures of my family and friends and smile at their joys.  Social media, also though, encourages us to compete and keep up with others.  It teaches us that we need to be accepted and adored by those around us and I cannot find that anywhere in the Bible.  In fact, I am pretty sure the Bible talks about the fact that we WON'T be accepted here on this earth often when we choose to walk out our faith.

For today, I am going to continue to ponder and pray about this.  I am going to pray for God's will in my life to be carried out.  I am going to pray that what this world thinks will matter less and less.  I am going to pray for courage to reach out, to love, and to invest regardless of what comes from it.

Home

One simple word - Home.  In terms of many of the homes that exist in this world, my home IS simple.  We've lived there since 1989 and it is a typical 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom split level, non-brick, non-regulated by covenants home in a average neighborhood in Paulding County where some of the homes are beginning to struggle to even hit the average mark.

All that said, this place is sacred to me.  I cannot wait to get there at night, struggle to leave it on the weekends, and know that in my hardest moments, it is exactly where I need to be.  I completely acknowledge the fact that decorating, re-decorating, moving furniture and accessories around on a regular basis puts me in my happy place.  I acknowledge that Mack and I each have "our" chairs and also am happy to tell you that it doesn't bother me in the least if someone chooses to sit in "my" chair when they visit.  It is a great chair and, of course, they want to sit in it.  I can tell you that Lacie, the dog, and Kitty, the cat, waiting for us when we return home in the evenings is icing on the cake.  Most of all, though, I can tell you that it is the fact that Mack is there now, Stu has grown up there in the past, and the the stories that have been written in that house are what make it our HOME.   It is also vitally important to me that my  family loves our home, feels safe and loved within the walls.  I want our friends to want to come to our house to hang out.  I want them to want to walk through the front door and feel comfortable being exactly who they are and perfectly free to go grab what they want in the kitchen.

I put all of this into words because I believe with all of my heart that we each need a place like this.  If you are fortunate enough to have a place to call home, do everything you can to make it feel like that safe haven to you.  I completely realize that decor and all those fufu things aren't important to all people but something is.  There is something that will make your home feel special and make you want to be there.

I will tell you that order and cleanliness ARE important.  Being able to eat off your floors, never find an item out of place, and no streaks on the bathroom mirror are not important but yes, kids and spouses notice what is important to you.  They will recognize that you care enough about THEM to care about what your home is to your family.   Make sure there are pictures, physical memories, and whatever else brings joy to each person visible.  Figure it out - what would make you want to be there each night?  What would make your husbands, your kids, your grandkids if you have them, and your friends want to come to YOUR house for special occasions?

I wanted to give you a few examples of what I've done in case you need ideas but remember, your own home has to totally reflect who your family is and I would love to hear what those things are.  Really - I would love that!

I'm big on wanting you to feel cozy the moment you get to the porch.  Rockers, pillows, and flowers (real ones struggle on my porch because of lack of sunlight) go a long way to help that feeling.

Pictures, lamps, and candles are items I use all over to add to the cozy and comfort.

When my mom passed away in December of 2012, I brought home the family dishes, along with some of the beautiful antique dishes she collected.  I cannot tell you the joy and comfort I get looking at those dishes - the memories from when they were in my grandparents' home growing up, watching my mom love on them, and being able to hear her say in my mind "you better not ever sell the family ones or I will come back and haunt you".  Really - she said that! :)

Make sure you let the sunlight in - it will make your whole being a happier one!

You  probably can't see my mammaw's green biscuit mixing bowl on the center shelf, or the Longaberger basket from my trip in 2003 to Ohio, or all the cookbooks that remind me of all the trips - but I can and my family can......

Quilts, pillows, and a precious dog - joy, pure joy.

This post wasn't an easy one for me only because it doesn't have a lot of real deep thought and perhaps not a great deal of knowledge to impart.  What it does have, is a very real portion of what make my heart content and at peace, along with deep, deep gratitude to God for allowing us to have such a home.  I am thankful for it each and every day.